How to De-escalate Conflict Between Employees

Key takeaways:

• Conflict between employees often escalates when people don’t feel heard, so listen before you try to fix anything.
• Reflect what you hear so people feel seen and heard, and you understand their underlying needs.
• Look for the need beneath the complaint; people can feel satisfied with an outcome even when they don’t get everything they asked for.

Conflict at work is common and inevitable: different personalities, communication styles, and backgrounds all trying to collaborate and be productive. That’s challenging, but it also presents opportunities to grow from the challenges and conflicts between employees.

A 2024 Perceptyx study of more than 2,000 workers found that 9 in 10 were experiencing some kind of workplace conflict.

So, you’re not alone if conflict and tension are present at work.

We recently heard from NCRC trainer Samantha about her experience with conflict at work. She had to intervene in a long-running conflict between coworkers, complicated by a gap in seniority.

Read her story about bringing people together and how active listening helped name what each needed, so they could find a resolution.

When conflict starts, leaders step up

Samantha’s team was diverse and included people at different seniority levels. This can create challenges and awkward power dynamics for teams trying to work together.

A senior team member did something that the junior team members felt was unfair. The tension surfaced in every team meeting. The two junior team members discussed it in the meeting, and other team members felt uncomfortable.

If you’re a leader, that’s the type of moment you can step in. When conflict between employees affects people who aren’t directly involved, it stops being a private disagreement and becomes a team issue. It costs you time, but more importantly, it costs the team morale.

What do you do when conflict starts between coworkers?

Samantha used active listening in the conflict resolution between her team members. She started by listening to both of them to understand their perspectives.

Then, she brought them together so they could share with each other.

She let each person speak without interruption, so they felt heard. As she describes it, she gave them “the space to hear each other without infringing on each other’s voices.”

This matters when power dynamics in the workplace are at play. In group settings, the more senior person can dominate the conversation. A facilitated conversation gives each person equal time to share, so the conflict between employees doesn’t feel one-sided.

Reflect what you heard and invite clarification

Listening is great, but it’s only part of the process. Reflecting back to them really shows you care and understand.

Samantha reflected what she heard, including the impact the conflict had on each person. Then, she gave them space to clarify their feelings if what she said wasn’t accurate.

That invitation to clarify shows humility and tells the other person their experience matters more than your assumptions or being right.

Next time you’re facing conflict, try this response: “I am hearing you say _____. Did I miss anything?”

How to mediate conflict between employees

Try these tips when you encounter team conflict:

• Meet with each person first, so you can hear their feelings away from the influence of the whole team.
• Let each person describe what happened and how it affected them before you respond.
• Repeat back what you heard, including the impact, and ask them to clarify anything you missed or misheard.
• Meet with all parties and follow similar steps of listening and reflecting. Make sure each person gets equal time to share without interruptions.
• Ask each person what they need going forward.
• Treat both people the same, regardless of seniority or your relationship with either one.

Find the need beneath the complaint

Once both people felt heard, Samantha could get to the real issue. On the surface, the dispute looked like a clash over privileges. Underneath, both team members wanted the same thing: fairness.

Each person wanted time to share in team meetings, so everyone heard their ideas and perspectives. Samantha gave them that opportunity outside the meeting when she listened to their feelings.

Each person left knowing they would be treated fairly, heard, and given room to contribute. That assurance resolved the conflict between employees and laid a solid foundation for future conversations. In Samantha’s words, “We just didn’t have any problems after that with that particular issue.”

Don’t skip the listening step

It’s tempting to walk in, announce a solution, and move on. But Samantha believes that approach would have failed.

If her assumptions were wrong, or she treated one person differently based on their relationship with her, the conflict would keep bubbling up.

Unresolved conflict between employees rarely disappears on its own. It may go quiet for a while and then flares up in the next meeting.

In SHRM’s Q1 2025 Civility Index, nearly 3 in 4 U.S. workers said their manager could have done more to prevent incivility at work.

Your response sets the tone. How you handle a conflict tells your team whether fairness applies to everyone.

How do you ensure people feel satisfied with the resolution?

The goal of a clarifying conversation is for people to walk away with “a robust sense of satisfaction.” If they don’t feel heard, they’re likely to keep bringing it up.

Satisfaction doesn’t mean everyone gets their way. Many people think that listening to someone without reacting means they get everything they want. But Samantha says that’s “a misnomer.”

She says, “You can hear someone; you can offer them a solution that allows them to feel valued without meeting their predetermined outcome.”

That frees you as a leader. You don’t have to say yes to every demand or agree with one side. You do need to make sure each person feels heard, acknowledged, and ready to move forward.

Model the listening skills you want your team to use

Outside the workplace, Samantha also coaches in her community, and she holds herself to the same standard in every setting. She makes a point of modeling active listening and bringing humility into every room.

When you listen this way, people see that you’re invested in them and how they feel. You hold space for them. Your team watches how you handle conflict between employees, and they learn from what you model.

Whether you’re a leader or a new employee, NCRC’s workshops for professionals can help you communicate with confidence. Learn more ways to calm a tense moment, or bring a customized training to your organization. Contact us today at training@ncrconline.com to get started today!